Love challenged, truths revealed: A24’s ‘Past Lives,’ ‘You Hurt My Feelings’ poetically examine time and honesty in relationships

Have you ever heard of a past-life soulmate? It’s someone you are cosmically entwined with. Maybe it’s something like the Tom Hanks-starring Cloud Atlas, where your soul remembers someone across many lifetimes — or perhaps it’s the multiverse, where we explore alternative routes in life. But rather than have a narrative succumb to this concept's larger, more aesthetically pleasing areas, why not reel it in for something more human, simpler, and poetic?

That’s Celine Song’s remarkable achievement Past Lives, starring the award-worthy Greta Lee (Russian Doll), Teo Yoo (Decision to Leave) and John Magaro (First Cow). 

Past Lives takes a subtle, un-Hollywood approach to its sprawling romance, much like Richard Linklater’s Before trilogy. In the story, Na “Nora” Young (Lee) and Hae Sung (Yoo) are two deeply connected childhood friends. Something lasting is on the horizon… until Nora and her family emigrate to Canada from South Korea. Two decades later, the two friends are reunited in New York for one significant week. Now happily married to someone else (Magaro), Nora must face ideas about destiny and love.

Like Barry Jenkins’ structure in Moonlight, Song’s film is told across three chapters, each 12 years apart. At their youngest ages together, Nora and Hae Sung connect over drawing doodles on their arms, playing chase in the park, and walking silently home from school. It’s a simple, well-understood young love that sees butterflies flapping like crazy, and you want to stay forever in that coming-of-age story. Fortunately, the following chapters offer values and feelings that are uniquely different. 

Without spoiling the romantic details of the middle and final chapters, they pivot from idealism to growth and reflection. The central characters recognize where they’re at in life and how thousands of miles stand between them, but they cannot ignore their connection. It’s a will-they-won’t-they situation without turning into some overly dramatic narrative. Song approaches each moment with the most authenticity possible, leading to a finale that’s one of the most human things ever put on screen.

Told with incredible depth, cinematic magnetism and emotional authenticity, Past Lives is a beautiful story about being adrift in what-ifs. As they trade deeply felt details, the characters are discussing the possibility that they missed time when they were supposed to be together. More special than the what-could’ve-been talks is how much respect Song has for her characters, their journeys and current life situations. It's an admirable trait that adds more emotional fuel to the fire that burns during its concluding moments. 

It’s rare to watch a film like this on the big screen. Don’t miss it! It’s one of the year’s very best.

Not far off from the same level of thoughtfulness is Nicole Holofcener’s You Hurt My Feelings. Rather than love observed across time, it’s a snapshot of love with a history that can be felt. It’s not even about anything that big. More or less, it’s an excellent film about people talking to each other (or withholding certain truths so as not to hurt one another’s feelings). It’s a small, quiet and super-effective drama. 

Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Tobias Menzies (The Crown) portray Beth and Don, a couple in a longstanding marriage. Beth’s a novelist and Don’s a therapist. They’ve shown nothing but support toward each other their whole being together… until Beth overhears her husband telling a friend that he actually thinks her new novel is terrible. Her entire view of him is upended, and the two try to work their way back toward each other following this uncomfortable situation.

Like Past Lives, You Hurt My Feelings makes massive splashes in its details. Both films are advocates of subtlety and characters with specificity that rings universal. Who hasn’t had uncomfortable encounters with their loved ones? Who hasn’t been asked their opinion about something the other did or is wearing? How often did you say you felt one way when you felt another? Is it OK to say these white lies to get by and avoid confrontation, or should we all get more honest with each other and feelings be damned? 

That’s You Hurt My Feelings in a nutshell. It’s a string of conversations that asks profound questions about honesty. It not only examines this through the central relationship but also the relationship the couple has with their son (Owen Teague), friends, clients and extended family. 

Take, for instance, a scene when Don hears one of his patients call him an idiot when they thought their call had ended. It causes Don to question the value he offers as a therapist and the honesty he may hold back from his patients. Beth questions the same kind of thing with her sister (a hilarious Michaela Watkins of Werewolves Within) and mother (Jeannie Berlin).

One little event opens everyone’s eyes and brings about even more thoughtful, relatable conversations about failure and accepting when you may not be good at the thing you’re passionate about. That’s not to say you should give up on those things, but maybe approach them with realistic goals and a willingness to listen and go through temporary unpleasantries.

You Hurt My Feelings seamlessly combines humor with wisdom. It features strong performances and is a delightful, compelling experience. Feel everything it has to offer because the rewards are great!