Hoax or not, some Denton ISD parents feared gun violence had come to campus amid threats

Bailey Thibodeaux got her first-ever email about a threat made to Denton ISD last week.

The Denton mom said she can't remember past the first sentence of the district's emails responding to two threats made to the district on social media. Though Denton police determined the threats weren't credible, Thibodeaux said her first thoughts were about her 6-year-old daughter's safety.

"I actually read only the first sentence, and my brain sort of just blacked out the rest," Thibodeaux said. "I got anxiety. All of a sudden, I stood up and I walked up to my front door and I grabbed my car keys. Because, you know, when you get a message like that, and it's so vague, you just kind of immediately want to freak out a little bit."

The threats made to Denton ISD made Thibodeaux conjure up a worst-case scenario that has unfortunately happened across the country: a mass shooting.

Just days before district officials sent emails to parents and guardians explaining the threats, eight people were killed and seven injured in a mass shooting at the Allen Premium Outlet Mall. Less than a year ago, a shooter killed 19 students at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde. Littleton, Colorado, just observed the 24th anniversary of the Columbine High School mass shooting, which left 15 students dead (including the teenage assailants, who were also students). Ten years ago, 20 students between ages 6 and 7 were murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut.

Thibodeaux said there was no mention of gun violence — or any specific violence — in the district's communications. But she still thought about a shooting immediately.

"I think it's just because — especially now — with just so many things going on every day, you've been wondering like today, if it's going to be your kids," Thibodeaux said.

The Washington Post has tracked school shootings and reports that since 1999, 320,000 students in America have been on a school campus during an episode of gun violence. That number of students would fill C.H. Collins Athletic Complex — a huge high school stadium — 27 times.

Justin Watts, an assistant professor in the College of Public Health at the University of North Texas, said it's "completely normal" for people to think of mass shootings in the wake of threats made to schools.

"When you look at just the frequency of these things happening, it's been on the increase since 2021," said Watts, whose expertise is in trauma, post-traumatic stress, and counseling and childhood trauma. "I read an article, it's actually been just a couple of weeks ago that cited 2021 as the most deaths attributed to mass shootings in recorded history.

"When you think about the context that we live in these days, I think it's really normal for somebody to jump to that conclusion, especially in light of these very recent events that have happened in North Texas."

School districts walk a fine line when it comes to releasing information about threats. Officials can't compromise campus security by divulging vulnerabilities on campuses, and school leaders rely on tabletop exercises, policies and procedures to prevent bad actors from getting into schools.

Thibodeaux said she worries that her daughter is too young to understand the mass shooter drills completely.

"She got in trouble during one of them because she got up during a drill to get her jacket," Thibodeaux said. "I asked her why she did that and she said, 'Mommy, I was cold.' I'm like how do I explain that for my six year old without saying too much? How do I tell her that we have to take lockdown seriously because there's really bad people in the world, and sometimes they want to hurt little kids and they want to hurt your teacher and they want to hurt the lady working in the front office, you know?"

Watts said gun violence is a difficult issue for adults to understand and live with. It's harder for children. That's why Watts counsels adults to manage their fears and anxiety.

"There are a lot of levels of reaction. When you say hysteria, you know that that's one pretty extreme end of the spectrum, and that there's no concern at all at the other end of the spectrum," Watts said. "I think the biggest thing is just knowing that there is a normal reaction, and that there are people on that other end where they're having this really large reaction and they can't function."

When parents can't function because of their fears — if they can't sleep or their routine is disrupted by a loop of terrifying thoughts — Watts said therapy can help immensely. But parents should also seek out other adults and parents to talk with, he said. Sharing worries with other people who are in the same situation can create connections that help people process their fears and get some validation that they aren't being unreasonable.

"When you look at stress, whether something threatening is happening, or whether I perceive something threatening to be happening, my body will respond the same way," he said. "So oftentimes, people, when they're flooded with anxiety, they can have tons of different reactions. Dissociation might be one, they might feel numb, they might feel powerless. But it's our perception of that event that is going to cause us to have the reaction that we have."

Watts said children's resilience starts with their parents. He recommends that families keep their routines, and that parents should remember that children are absorbing much of what's happening at home.

STEPS TO MANAGING FEARS

With gun violence moving into spot as the leading cause of death for American children, parents can struggle to manage their fears about their children's safety.

Find balance. While gun violence is the leading cause of death for American children, adults should avoid sinking into cynicism. Recall and discuss positive events in the world and your family's life.
Practice self-care. Eat nutritious meals, get activity, meditate (or make time for silence) and make sleep a priority. A rested, healthy parent is poised to model resilience to their child.
Keep tabs on your child's exposure to disturbing events. Children and teens have more access to frightening and unsettling images and content than ever. Keep tabs on how much exposure your child has to this kind of content and limit it.
Talk, but listen. Validate your child's feelings about their experiences. Let children know home is a safe and reliable place for them, and that they won't be shamed for feeling scared.
Remember gratitude. It might sound like hokum, but a gratitude journal (even if it's a few lines a day) can help adults balance.

Source: UNT assistant professor and licensed professional counselor Justin Watts

"Something I have to remember myself is when we're on the phone, when we're talking to other people, kids are listening. Even if they might be in the other room," Watts said. "So making sure that the messages that we're saying are consistent and we're not freaking them out by changing the topic or talking about it in a different way to other people."

Thibodeaux said she knows another unsettling email could be in her future.

"My commission as a mother is protection and love," she said. "Bottom line. I can love all day every day. But whenever I'm putting my child in someone else's care, I am being removed from the protect aspect. And I'm having to trust a very broken system with doing a job that I know that I can do, but that I don't believe has been properly or correctly done.

"In the Nashville shooting, the big thing was this police officers got in there super quickly and they took down the gunman super quickly," Thibodeaux said. "But I'm thinking how did the gunman get in in the first place? And it's sad, because I'm thinking, 'How do we make our school a fortress?' There are sick people in this world who do want to hurt our kids. And maybe not yet at our school, but it's always the fear that it does get closer to home, and it feels closer every time."